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Author: angryoldfatman

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Angry Old Fat Man, being more angry than usual. Probably more fat too, but to hell with it, like that makes a damn anymore.

I'm a computer guy, just trying to make heads or tails of the world as I plod along. I'm trying to build a business, so I worked practically the entire evening for free on a computer running Microsoft Vista.

If you don't know because you're an Apple sycophant, a Linux basement-dweller, Amish, or been living under a rock for the past 5 years, the Microsoft Vista operating system (like every second or third version of their software) sucks ass. It took entirely too long for Microsoft to realize they had a huge stinker on their hands, and after working on getting it somewhat stable they ended up having to rename it (Windows 7) for users to even look at it.

This machine I've been working on has an infamous Black Screen of Death, where you only see a black screen and a tantalizing mouse pointer that moves OK but has nothing to point at or click on. I've tried every free remedy under the sun and it still sits there, its dark face mocking me.

Did they even test this son of a bitch before they shipped it out the door? This is what Microsoft gets for hiring potheads and cheap overseas programmers. This is also why they're getting their lunch eaten by smartphones.

...continue reading "AOFM-MWU – S#@! I Have To Deal With"

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Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was an African man who lived in a small village. The village had, as many villages did in Africa, a witchdoctor who healed and protected the villagers with various incantations, rituals, and potions.

It just so happened that the man was having a little stroll when he heard laughing from far above him. It was the witchdoctor! He was flying and soaring and swooping, like a big bird of prey, and was having a grand old time.

After awhile the witchdoctor landed and saw the man. The man greeted him with the most astonished look on his face. "How... how... how in the world did you..."

The witchdoctor said, "How did I fly, you mean? Oh yes, it was a potion I've been working on. I drank it and became as light as a feather, able to go to and fro with the wind! It is a marvelous feeling, it is."

The man asked, "You did THAT, with a potion?"

The witchdoctor replied, "Yes, yes, it is very simple once you have all of the ingredients and you put them together juuuuuuuuust right."

The man asked, "Could you tell me and show me how to make this potion?"

The witchdoctor chuckled. "Sure, sure, let me tell you the recipe."

They spent most of the afternoon gathering all of the components of the flying potion. The witchdoctor insisted that the man do all of the work to make the potion because, well, the man was the one who wanted it.

The man listened intently to the witchdoctor as he gave him fairly complex instructions on how to assemble the potion. Finally, over a small boiling pot, the man had the last ingredient in his hand and was getting ready to throw it in. The witchdoctor stopped him and told him, "Now this is the most important part of the potion. You must not only do everything I've already told you, but you must also think in the way I've instructed, do you understand?"

"Yes," replied the man, impatiently.

"Now remember this. Whatever you do..."

...continue reading "AOFM-MWU – The Flying Potion"

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I finally finished up the cosmetic work on our Complete List of Books page. You'll notice we now have convenient little buttons instead of the cluttered links we had before. As I stated before, I had to handcraft the buttons because none of the publishers/distributors in question had standard buttons for use on third-party websites. So if some of them look less than polished, tough schmidt, I ain't changin' 'em. Also, if you're a representative of one of the publishers or distributors mentioned above and you want to sue me for the buttons, I've got some suggestions:

  1. Go ahead, jerkass, my wife's a lawyer.
  2. Have your people send my people (as in me) some approved buttons. Hell, make them available for anybody who wants to use them. You might sell more shiznit that way, who knows.
  3. You could leave us alone and just take a share of our money, or you could see what kind of backlash you'd get from all of the authors from whom you're making money by treating one of them like a criminal. Piss off a large revenue base in the Obama economy? You can only afford to do that if you're Microsoft, and even then only for a limited time.

Speaking of buttons...

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Published on 1 Comment on AOFM: Latest Site Changes & A Movie Review

Hi there! It's the author's overweight male spouse, pinch-hitting while the mistress of the house summons her muse for other work. I don't know about those two sometimes.  *suspicious*

Anyways, let's talk about some changes I've been working on. The big thing is that we have a Facebook page now. So those of you who are addicted to the social networking thing (read: Farmville) can now talk about us or to us on the biggest computer social network on the planet. Yay!

The next thing is I'm working on making Mary Anne's book list page a little more attractive by changing out the text links with cute little rectangular buttons like so:

Buy the paperback from Amazon!

Did you know there weren't any standard set of buttons for Amazon or Barnes & Noble or any other website that sells books? I know, it's crazy, isn't it? So I have to create my own and hope I don't get sued for adding to their profits.

 Now we come to the content portion of this post: a movie review. Mary Anne and I watched The Lovely Bones last night on one of our many premium cable channels.

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE AND DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN IT, TURN BACK NOW! Otherwise, click the "More" link below.

...continue reading "AOFM: Latest Site Changes & A Movie Review"

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Amazon is rolling out their "Read the first chapter FREE" web gadget called Kindle for the Web slowly but surely.

The big news for Quacking Alone is that you can read the first chapter(s) of two of Mary Anne's books right on the web for free, thanks to this new nifty gadget. Brotherly Love and E-Mail Enticement will display right in your browser - no need for downloads or buying expensive devices or other messiness just to get a sample of her work. Just click on the provided links and VOILA you're reading!

The gadget is in beta right now, but as Amazon irons out the kinks, more and more books will have this option available. So check Mary Anne's list of books regularly and look for the appropriate links.

In the coming weeks I plan to do some little website tweaks that will hopefully make navigating the site a little easier with the added benefit of making it more aesthetically pleasing. So be on the lookout, mateys! Ahoy and avast!

Surrender the Booty! YARRR!!

(No, I'm not converting the blog to a pirate theme... no matter how much I'd like it  😉  )

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Just wanted to notify you guys that we have a few more links and buttons in the sidebar, mainly related to a new venture that Mary Anne is exploring. Marianne Stephens, a romance author in her own right, is starting a new blog in October called All Day, All Night Divas. Its hook is that it features blog entries exclusively from romance authors with the name of Marianne, Mary Ann, or Mary Anne. And guess who here qualifies to blog there? Hmm? Hmm? Anybody you know? Anybody?

Anyways, that's the big news so far. The other news is that I'm going to try and get a new Kindle feature working on this blog - a "Read the First Chapter Free!" button.

Keep your eyes peeled for that and for Mary Anne's first blog entry on All Day, All Night Divas. Until then, kiddies, keep it realz0rs.

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Your favorite nasty fat fellow here. Things on the blog front are much better since last week.

If you haven't noticed, down below each post there are now a series of tiny buttons that will allow you to print, e-mail, or save a post to your Favorites folder, as well as pass it on via Facebook, Twitter, or Digg.

This is courtesy of the Sociable plugin. I am enormously grateful to the author of this plugin. He made it so that it just dammit works, unlike the ShareThis plugin that I'll never use again.

The buttons you see at the bottom of each post and on each page aren't the only services available; the new plugin allows for at least 50 more, like del.icio.us, StumbleUpon, etc. If there's a button you want added, please e-mail Mary Anne (use the Contact box in the sidebar) and she'll get word to me and hopefully I'll be able to add it for you.

Hasta luego, muchachos.

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I am declaring jihad on ShareThis. May Allah roast their stomachs in Hell.

We are having severe technical difficulties. The first one we had was with Yahoo Small Business Webhosting. Their computers somehow forgot how to find other websites, thus breaking our website to the point that it looked like a squirrel murdered with a motorboat propeller.

I went into a panic because I didn't know if it was something I did, since it happened shortly after I got the e-mail subscription thing working. I began uninstalling and reinstalling things, reconfiguring other things, and beating my meaty face on the desk in desperation. Finally I gave up, cursed and blasphemed myself into a fitful sleep.

The next day Yahoo had their junk fixed. Allahu snackbar! But then when I went to this blog I kept getting an error message saying ShareThis needed a Publisher's key. I then remembered in my fury the night before that I had updated ShareThis to the latest version. So I went to the configuration page and you know what I saw? The Publisher key, sitting there as pretty as a naked Kansas City whore in Italian stiletto heels.

The cursing began anew. I pounded the desk in rage. After I cooled down a bit I uninstalled the fresh version of ShareThis and put an older version that worked back in. I went over the blog pages, expecting to see the tiny, yet functional, ShareThis button I had grown accustomed to for the past couple of years.

Nope. Oh HELL no. No button. Nothing. Tried a couple of tricks, still got nothing.

I don't know how many clumps of hair I've yanked out in frustration or how much screaming and cursing I've done, but this is why I now wish death upon the infidels.

May each one of them have a thousand palaces in the afterlife, and may each of those palaces have a thousand bedrooms, and may each of those bedrooms have a thousand beds, and may they forever roll from bed to bed, burning with an agonizing fever. Inshallah.

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Quick little update from The Angry One. Because of a thoughtful e-mail sent to us by a wonderful lady, I was compelled to add e-mail subscription capabilities to the blog.

The easiest way to subscribe to e-mail updates, notifications, etc., is to click the appropriate links in either the Contact Us box or the Site box in the righthand sidebar. Or if you'd rather, you could click here, but this post isn't going to be here forever. Just sayin'.

The other way is to go ahead and fully register to the site via the Site box in the righthand sidebar. It should give you an option or two to fill in about e-mail subscriptions along with the usual stuff. The added benefit there is that you can post comments without needing to go through further rigamarole or wait for me to spot your comment in the spam filter, pick it up, wipe it off, and insert it into its proper place.

So do it now while supplies last!

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Published on 1 Comment on The Duke (Part 1) Has Arrived

Howdy, it's the irritated overweight male here.

If you haven't heard, seen, felt, or used your Jedi Force Sense powers to figure it out yet, Mary Anne is trying something new - she's writing a serialized novel titled The Duke of Eden. She's got the first four chapters up for a mere 99¢ on the Kindle, so check it out. If you like it, feel free to sample and/or grab her other books.

Because of various contractual obligations, we can offer serialized works only on the Kindle. We're sorry about that; we'd like to offer it everywhere else we offer Mary Anne's books, but... lawyers. You know. Ahem.

I've added Duke to the sidebar and to the book list page. As Mary Anne finishes a sizable chunk of chapters, one of us will announce it and link to those pages for you.

In the meantime, stay chilly peeps. And stay away from lawyers, they're nothing but trouble. Ahem.