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Hey babies, it's the Angry Old Fat Man again, touching base with all of Mary Anne's/Olivia Outlaw's readers.

always_angry

News item #1: Olivia Outlaw has completed Book Two of the Carnal Collateral series: Devil's Demand. It's currently out on the Amazon Kindle. Which leads me to...

News item #2: The buttons that allow you to buy Mary Anne's/Olivia's books from other vendors besides Amazon may be dead for awhile. You see, Amazon has some new ways of distributing e-books, especially if you're a voracious reader (like many of you aficionados of romance novels), and we are now participating in these new methods of distribution.

One is called Kindle Unlimited, and it's a lot like Netflix for e-books, except better. You pay a monthly fee to enjoy access to over half-a-million titles on your Kindle or any other device that can use the Kindle store.

The other one is only for Kindle owners with Amazon Prime, and it's called Kindle Owner's Lending Library. You can "borrow" books FOR NO ADDITIONAL COST other than your Amazon Prime account, and that's in addition to all of the other benefits you get from that service.

There's only one bit of bad news. For authors to participate in these Amazon programs, they must publish exclusively via Amazon for at least a few months. No Barnes and Noble, no Smashwords, no other vendors for those months - just Amazon.

News item #3: I fixed the links to Olivia's book covers that were not correct. They look OK now, but if you find one that isn't, please contact me or Mary Anne and I'll get it working right.

Thanks, sweeties, and remember, don't get angry. THAT'S MY JOB!

Me, myself, and I - the "Olivia Outlaw" version of me, that is - have made the lead book in the "Sultan's Toy" series free.  You can grab it free almost everywhere except Amazon.  It's available free NOW at Smashwords, Barnes and Noble, Diesel and a host of other online sites and it is or is about to be free at Apple.

It's only 99 cents at Amazon.  If you'd like it free there, I suggest you scroll to the bottom of the product page and report a lower price.  If readers complain, Amazon might match the freebie.  If not, go to Smashwords or Barnes & Noble and pick it up there.

Who wouldn't want to get captured by a handsome sultan?

Hey guys, it's me, the hubby.

As promised before, the Sultan's Toy Bundle is now up and available for the Kindle. We're having some technical difficulties getting it onto Barnes and Noble for the Nook, but we're working on it.

That's not the only place where gremlins have chosen to attack.

Too late...
Too late... I hate you little bastards...

The website has been going blinky at times, saying "Error in connecting to database" or some such thing. It looks to me as if the current WordPress version has problems with spam busting it open, but who knows. All I know is I'm the poor schmuck who's got to deal with it. Called tech support the first couple of times it happened and got them to fix it. I then think I figured out how to fix it myself.

As I was typing up this post, it tried to go sideways AGAIN. Ugh... what a pain in the ass.

I swear, if this keeps up, I'm moving this stuff over to GoDaddy... for obvious reasons:

Highly technical reasons.
Highly technical reasons.

 

Something has been bubbling and brewing in my demented mind for a while now, and I've decided to blog about it. It's the confusion that abounds regarding Erotic Romance. People hear "erotic", think "erotica" and are convinced that both mean one thing -- pornography.  That's just not the case and I really wish someone could explain that to Apple, which is quite possibly the most confused of any major retailer.

And that's a little strange - the Apple thing.  It's a company that used to have the image of being "the smart person's tech choice" and even "the creative person's tech choice."  The company's confusion and double-speak have destroyed both images.  These days the smart person's tech choice, and the creative person's tech choice is Amazon.

What do the first two paragraphs have to do with each other?  My "Olivia Outlaw" erotic romances were rejected by Apple via Smashwords.  Since Apple is the major reason to publish through Smashwords, and since Smashwords meat grinder is a complication in and of itself, I unpublished my Olivia Outlaw work from Smashwords after Apple's rejection of "Captured."

Why did Apple reject "Captured?"  Because it "doesn't publish that kind of story."  What?  Say that again? Apparently, Apple has no idea what it publishes.  "Fifty Shades of Grey" was most certainly available at Apple.  Sylvia Day's work is sprawled all over Apple. But - Apple doesn't publish erotic romance. And yes, Apple said that.

The underlying problem is that like many people, the supposedly smart staff at Apple hears "erotic", thinks "erotica" and imagines "pornographic."   Their policies are as garbled as that thought process and to make it worse, they are inconsistently enforced.  And they appear to be not enforced at all for major publishers. Only indie authors' must go through the indignity of having their erotic work screened by Apple's confused, hypocritical porn police.

...continue reading "Can Someone Tell Apple That Erotic Doesn’t Mean Pornographic?"

I've heard a bunch of scuttlebutt from writers who claim that the best sales strategy at the Zon is to select keywords that are in Amazon subcategory list for romance.  As writers know, for certain categories - Romance and Erotica among them - Amazon has a list of words that describe certain subcategories of romance; i.e. - for books about Kings, and Princes if you use those terms as keywords they'll appear in a "royalty" subcategory.

I've been putting up keywords that are most specific to my books.  If someone is over the top enough to hunt for something the crazy duck lady has written as Mary Anne Graham or Olivia Outlaw, then by the quack - I wanted them to find my stuff.  But given the scuttlebutt, I went in and changed all the keywords for several books - including my entire Sultan's Toy series - to fit in the generic mold that should have gotten them listed in several subcategories of romance and erotica.

Did I get listed in those subcategories?  I don't know, but if I did, it surely didn't help sales, which have been down in April.  So you know what I did today?  Can you guess?

Yep.  I went back to my me-words - my crazy duck lady terms that describe my stories.  I've just changed them, but sales have already started trending back up.

That can only mean one thing ---  there are more crazy duck lads and ladies out there than I ever suspected. Maybe one day we crazy duck people will take over and turn the world into a much more interesting place.

In the meantime, the results of my little experiment make me feel a little bit warm and cozy and a lot less lonely.  I'm hoping that all my fellow quackers keep on finding my books. We'll let the rest of the world worry about where we're holding our secret meetings.......

 

It's the fat guy, dropping you a quick line to tell you Book Four in the Sultan's Toy novella series is up. I'm updating the website as I get to it; the fourth book should be in the side bar soon.

Also, another thing that's going to be there and on the Olivia Outlaw book list page is the Sultan's Toy Bundle. As soon as I get it assembled and stuff and update the website and do the cha-cha and alphabetize my spices and run with scissors and make a mountain out of a molehill and slay the dragon and divide by zero and stop typing "and" and adding silly phrases with the aforementioned conjunction junction, what's yo' function... hookin' boxcars and makin' 'em run right...

4

Faithful Quacking fans - Yeah verily, I have neglected thee.  I admit it - but, as you know if you've been paying attention - I have an excellent excuse.

I've been caught up in writing my erotic romances as Olivia Outlaw.  My first series, The Sultan's Toy, features the story of Ring and Ali. It's a m/m romance and writing it has been such fun!!  Readers who've enjoyed the books - and there are a lot of you out there - should know:  I JUST HIT PRINT ON BOOK FOUR- Coupled, the conclusion.

Coupled follows Ring back home to London, where he flees after witnessing Ali cavorting in his harem.  And where Ring goes, can Ali be far behind?  Not hardly, as anyone who has been reading the series knows.  But Ali has a lot of "splaining" to do and Ring is too hurt to listen.  Can Ali win a Second Chance at the love he can not live without?

The Sultan's Toy - Coupled will be available any time now from Amazon, and I'll get it up at Nook as soon as the site is back up.  (Speculation is that it has been down while Nook fixes the Heartbleed Bug security flaws.  Repairs to Heartbleed has caused a lot of Heartache for writers as the posting of sales is slow, slow, slow and way, way behind.)

Soon and very soon, Mr. Duck will work his quacking magic and a new bundle will be born.  We'll surely hollah at ya'll when the bundle is about to appear.  But don't wait for that - go ahead and pick up "Coupled" today.

And me?  I'm boogling on to my first "Isle of Bliss" Romance.  It'll be another m/m erotic as Olivia Outlaw.  What's the Isle of Bliss, you ask?  Naughty question - you must be punished.  Where's my whip?  Go read Coupled and you'll find out.

As the weather heats up, it's time for romance to do the same. Pick up a Quacking Alone Romance by Mary Anne Graham or Olivia Outlaw today!!

Hello again, mi amigos! The Fat Man here and rocking your world.

they-know-how-to-rock-your-world_252483-250x

Confession time: I've been slack. Olivia Outlaw came out with a new novella, the third book in her Sultan's Toy series: Consumed on the first of March and I didn't update the webpage to show it.

Well, I'm here to make amends to you, the reader, and to my diligent waifu, Olivia/Mary Anne.

You'll now see on the sidebar and on the appropriate book list webpage the very thing I neglected, the third Sultan's Toy book.

Also, as a penance to the author and possibly to a select few of you readers out there, here is a duckling we can relate to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYpvEiRnWNc

 

Big news in the Grey's world - Isaiah Washington, a/k/a Dr. Preston Burke, Cristina Yang's version of Dr. McDreamy, is returning for an episode in May.  Grey's fans will recall that Cristina cut her teeth on Burke's wisdom, and became more than his muse - for a while, after an injury, she was his hands.  Yes, Cristina learned those amazing cardiac skills as an intern by illegally performing complex cardiac surgical procedures on patients while her lover, Burke talked her through them.

Washington was famously fired after an anti-gay slur on the set against fellow cast member T.R. Knight - George O'Malley.

At the time, Burke and Cristina were getting married.  Yes, Virginia, Yang got corralled into a big, traditional, totally not-Cristina-style formal Church wedding.  It didn't happen because Cristina ran away, almost literally at the altar.

So, how will Shonda Sunshine Rhimes write his return?  Here's my thought.  We all saw in the last episode that divorced spouses Cristina and Owen had sex.  Later, the girlfriend Owen was about to move in with went all traditional spouse on him, telling him that she wants kids and wants to be home with the kids, walking them to school.  That prompted Owen to break up with the girlfriend, taking her out to dinner to tell her that he didn't want that.  He wants a wife who is involved in her career, a surgeon with whom he can discuss surgery and medicine.

That sounds --- an awful lot like Cristina, doesn't it?  It sounds like Owen wants the wife he had.

So, Sunshine could play it that way.  Perhaps, Owen and Cristina will reunite, taking it slowly, at first, but then deciding to go "all in."  This time, they'll go "all in."  It may be his idea or it may be hers, a reaction to her history.  But they could decide to schedule a big ole' Church wedding.  Only, in Shonda Sunshineland, history tends to repeat itself and things end up where they started.

So, I think Cristina may show up at the Church, all dressed in white, and the wedding march will play (sound familiar?) - only, at the last minute, she can't do it.  She just can't do it.  And she runs out of the Church, down a flight of stairs, to find a posh, luxury car (I see it as a convertible, but it could be a limo ).  And the driver is - yes, you got it - Preston Burke.  He looks at Cristina and says something like, "Going somewhere?" or "I thought you might need a ride."

And Cristina gets in the car.  As Burke speeds away, she asks him, "Where are we going?" And he answers, "Where we were always meant to be." Cristina snarks, "And where is that?" And Burke answers, "Together."{   And Cristina doesn't snark.  She thinks, and smiles and nods........  and they drive off, into a joint future as the hotshot couple of cardio.....

I could be wrong.  Burke could show up just to say, "I came to see if you'd really do it this time." Or something similar, but Sunshine does love her circles.  I DO NOT, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM SUPPORT WASHINGTON'S ANTI-GAY SLUR, but I think he's been interviewed a lot in the intervening years. I hope, and believe that his attitude has changed.  And I think Shonda thinks that's true because otherwise, regardless of how tempting the prospect, I think she'd have written it differently.

Regardless, in strict show terms, I think Derek is Meredith's McDreamy, and I think Burke is Cristina's.  Having her end up with anyone else would just seem wrong.

We shall see, right Grey's fans?  And while we wait, don't forget to pick up my tribute to Grey's Anatomy, Dangerous Relations:  Griffin's Law.