Category: General Writing

Very early in our relationship, my hubby went shopping with me for a purse. Note that I said "very early." There are many things men will do early in a relationship that go out the door when a couple settles into reality - like purse shopping or eating green bean casserole (don't ask). After that early purse excursion, we learned that if we wanted to keep love alive, purse, clothes or shoes shopping should be my department. It must have been a good call, because we've been happily married now for over 20 years.

I hadn't really thought about how men and women shop better for different things until I read about a study in the UK's Daily Mail Online. The study, commissioned by The Co-operative Food, focused on how men and women feel about and deal with grocery shopping. Although women are considered the experts at shopping, our prowess stops at the doors of the grocery store. Yes, Virginia, the study found that women get more flustered and stressed in supermarkets.  

Researchers studied around 2,000 people and found that despite the fact that women are more likely to enter the weekly grocery shopping frey armed with lists and coupons, the experience throws us into a complete tizzy. Women hate the crowds at the store, feel rushed at the checkout and are generally shocked at the cost of purchases.  Two thirds of the women studied said they disliked fighting crowds to get what they wanted and 34% hate it when other people's children get into their way.  1 in 10 of the women confessed to getting into arguments at the store with other shoppers over things like shopping carts, fighting over the same item or line jumping.

Grocery shopping, it seems, is an activity that men excel at and enjoy.  "Men seem to adopt a much more laid back and methodical approach, taking their time looking for bargains and make sure they’re getting the most for their money."

The study found that 51% of the men are more likely to opt for brands they know while 26% of the women grab the first brand they find because it helps speed up the shopping.  It found that women are more likely to ask for help in locating something, but men are more likely to use technology to make the shopping easier.

Authors of the study say that for women, grocery shopping is apt to be just another on a long list of things they have to do so women rush through the grocery store "to conduct the shopping as quickly as possible."    Researchers theorize that there is a "new breed of male supermarket shoppers."  I find a lot of the studies I run across interesting, and may share them with blog readers even if I personally consider them to be chock full of hogwash.  I'm sharing this one for the opposite reason -- based on personal experience, I think it's absolutely accurate.

I hate a grocery store.  Just the sight of one makes me feel tense and unhappy.  One of the happiest days in my life was when Lowe's Foods came to Myrtle Beach because of the Lowe's To Go Service.  It meant I could order my groceries online and schedule a pickup time. I'd drive into the parking lot, push a loudspeaker button to announce my presence, and an amazing employee would wheel my groceries right out to my car.  It was life altering for me - and it still would be today.  The only reason I stopped using the service is because of a change in workschedules and hours, my hubby started doing the grocery shopping.  He prefers going into the supermarket and engaging in that whole battle.

It was hard for me to understand how my DH could possible enjoy the shopping experience, but the new study indicates that he's not alone.  It turns out that the grocery store is a man's world.  But you know what?  I'm okay with that.  I'm very, very okay with that.  Really, I'm okay with anything that keeps me out of the grocery store.

Don't tell my hubby, but he's much better at grocery buying than I am!    Besides, my DH looks so cute pushing around that shopping cart...

My brand new marvy Maytag stove inspired this post. 

The stove is stainless steel with a black ceramic surface, convection cooking, a hidden lower cooking element and a steam clean option.  It was born and bred right here in the USA.  It replaces a stove that was new in 1986 when our house was built.  We got our old stove with the house when we bought it in 1993.  It was a coil eye stove and the thing was so old that we couldn't find any eyes that fit properly to replace one that died.  My hubby had reinstalled the upper heating element in the oven a couple of times.  We had more stains than you could count on the lower heating element.  Cleaning meant "Easy Off" fumes and lots of elbow grease. 

The new stove is beautiful and it's expecting a little Maytag friend soon - a stainless dishwasher that should be delivered in early February.  I don't even want to talk about how gross our dishwasher is.  Suffice it to say, the thing was - like our stove- new in 1986, purchased with the house and it is now falling apart - literally. 

I was staring at the stove and thinking about life last night.  See, the stove and dishwasher were purchased with a combination of writing money and the Christmas bonus from my day job. And last night while I stared at it, the little hamster that turns the wheel in my head woke up and commenced running.  When my hamster brain ran hard enough, the light bulb turned on - and I smiled. 

I've always believed that I'd be successful when my fiction writing paid enough to allow me to quit my day job and write full time.  That's still my goal.  I still believe that being a full time author is where I'll be happiest and most fulfilled.  But my stove made me realize that maybe I was committing the same error as our politicans in Congress.  My stove made me realize that compromise doesn't always mean failure - sometimes it's a hallmark of success. 

Like just about everyone everywhere I've had to make a bunch of compromises since the bottom fell out of the economy.  I've had to get to the point where I prioritized bills - the houshold bills first, then my eldest son's college expenses and then everything else.  The everything else means that I pay what I can on everything else and either the companies deal with that or they don't.  And because I grew up in a perienally poor household where I got stuck talking to all those creditors, having a re-run of that era had convinced me that I was a complete failure.  My stove made me realize that wasn't true.

I've reached a point with my day job and my writing where I could get my eldest back to UCF for the Spring Semester of his Junior year and we could replace our ancient stove and dishwasher.  I'm not writing on my fiction full time but I do essentially write full time.  (My day job mainly consists of legal research and writing.) That means that I haven't reached my goal -- but I have progressed on my journey.  

And success isn't measured solely by reaching that one goal.  If I reach it -- when I reach it -- there will be a new goal.  If I don't have goals I have no direction for my life.  So there will always be a goal.  But the goal is only a mile marker - it's not the finish line.  As long as I'm running towards the next marker and making progress, then I'm not a complete failure.  Even if the phone is still ringing and my answering machine is still full of hang up calls, I'm not a complete failure.  I'd only be a complete failure if I failed to try and just threw up my hands. I'd only be a complete failure if I stopped setting goals and heading towards them.

I haven't said "I can't."  I've said, "I haven't gotten there yet."  And I'm still in the race and heading in the right direction.   I've made progress and the next time I doubt that, I'll look at my shiny new stove.  It's a concrete reminder that success isn't a destination - it's a journey.  In our horrendous present economy, many people have been forced to face things they'd rather not, and do things they'd sworn not to.  It would be awfully easy to say - I can't or I won't or I quit.  No matter how tempting it is to throw in the towel, I owe it to myself and my family to continue running along the road, heading for the next mile marker. 

It's important to allow ourselves time to stop and assess when we reach certain plateaus.  The stove might not seem like much to lots of folks, but it means a lot to me.  Success is a very individual thing but certain things about it are common to all of us.  Success is not getting to one place or achieving one thing - it's staying in the race and keeping that towel firmly in hand, ready to wipe sweat from our brows, tears from our eyes --- or sometimes,  just sometimes to wave in a cheer. 

The next time you're in a place where you're thinking of throwing in the towel because you're not where you wanted to be or planned to be, stop and take a look around at where you are.  You may not be at the next mile marker yet, but you're not at the last one either.  Like me, you're on the way. 

Success is a journey.  We may not make the trip the way we planned and we may have to stop and plot a new route.  None of that means we got it wrong.  In fact, all of it means we're getting it right.  Sometimes, along the way, life may throw in an appliance or two. If you look into the stainless steel hard enough, intently enough, your dreams might reflect right back at you.   They're still there - bright and shiny and waiting, just waiting for you to reach out and grab 'em on your way to all your future success. 

See - in the duck lady's house, a Maytag just might turn out to be a crystal ball.