Category: General Writing

I ran across an interesting story recently that I had to share. Titled "Turn It Up:  What Do You Listen To While Having Sex" is from the "Detroit Free Press" by Korina Lopez.  It gives the low down - pun intended - on one of the more useful scientific studies ever conducted.  Music psychologist Daniel Mullensiefen of the UK studied 2000 people to rate the "Science Behind The Song." Participants ranged from ages 19-91 with the genders represented almost equally.

The study resulted in lists of the top 20 songs for many activities and it studied people's attitude and feelings about music.  As the title of this piece indicated, 1 in 3 people identified Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" as a song that is better than sex.  Would Freddie Mercury have agreed, I wonder?  Perhaps.....  or, perhaps not.

Mostly, I wonder who these people are having sex with, because 40% of them said that music playing in the background was more likely to turn them on than the touch of their partner.  (Seriously?)

The study determined that the most arousing music to play while having sex is the soundtrack from the movie "Dirty Dancing."  That soundtrack was No 1 with both men and women.  Mullensiefen, the psychologist conducting the study, felt that result showed "that men are more willing to adjust their tastes in music in order to ensure "greater success in the bedroom."  It sounds like Mullensienefen is a pretty smart guy, right?  He should be - he's the co-director of the Master Program in Music, Mind and Brain and is also a senior lecturer in the psych department at Goldsmiths, University of London.

And what are the TOP 20 SONGS THAT PEOPLE LISTEN TO DURING SEX?  ......drumroll, please:

1. "Dirty Dancing" soundtrack

2. Marvin Gaye, "Sexual Healing"

3. Ravel, "Bolero"

4. Berlin, "Take My Breath Away"

5. Barry White (anything from his collection)

6. Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get It On"

7. Righteous Brothers, "Unchained Melody"

8. Celine Dion, "Titanic" soundtrack / "My Heart Will Go On"

9. Serge Gainsbourg, "Je T`aime"

10. Whitney Houston, "I Will Always Love You"

11. Aerosmith, "I Don`t Want to Miss A Thing"

12. Kings of Leon, "Sex On Fire"

13. Rodgers & Hammerstein, "Sound of Music"

14. Tchaikovsky, "1812 Overture"

15. "Grease" soundtrack

16. Donna Summer, "I Feel Love"

17. Boyz II Men, "I'll Make Love to You"

18. Abba, "Mama Mia"

19. Tom Jones, "Sex Bomb"

20. "Star Wars" soundtrack

Well, I've got to say that it's a list I just can't take seriously.   Any real list of mood music would have to be topped by Bob Segar's "Night Moves,"  right? Obviously, I'm right -- just ask Mr. Duck.  Of course, he'd also tell you that I don't think any great music has been recorded since the 80's.  That's also right, isn't it?

Or maybe,  I'm just quackers.

 

 

 

I've been very, very bad.  I haven't been keeping up with the blog.  I'm sorry about that but I've been bad for a mighty good reason - I've been working hard on Peter's story -  "A Magical Forever."  It should be out before Christmas so y'all be sure to add it to your wish list.

This will be a quick blog and mostly b/c I saw another blog that caught my twisted fancies.  It was by Ellen Arnison and titled:  "Why Fifty Shades of Grey Hero Christian Grey Has To Be A Scotsman." It's no mystery why that caught my fancy and drug Muse away from Peter's Regency England.

Anyone who has read my book - "A Faerie Fated Forever" - knows that I love me some Scots.  I especially love that rugged, no nonsense breed that inhabits the Highlands.  Don't we all?  And notice I said - inhabits, present tense.  I've not yet had the privilege of seeing Scotland personally.  In my imagination the Highlands of that land are still full of warring clans led by lairds who hate the English and still manage to fall madly mad for a lovely English Rose.

And anyone who has read this blog knows that I love me some Christian Grey too.  I see him in my twisted mental meanderings - he's standing by the wall of windows, outclassing everything in his posh Escala condo.  His hair is even more rumpled than usual and he's wearing those pants - yes, the grey ones cut just so.

Ms. Arnison's article links to a Guardian article relating that the French are turning up their "snooty Gallic noses" at "Fifty Shades."  Why?  Here are Ms. Arnison's thoughts:

Instead of Mummy Porn they call it Housewife Porn

Well, they would, wouldn’t they? The French think they invented sex – doing it or writing about it. Dangerous Liaisons, the Marquis de Sade (who gave us sadism, in every sense) Anne Desclos (secret author of Story of O), all French. They even invented the phrase “cinq à sept” – five to seven – that couple of hours where every self-respecting Frenchman nips off to his mistress after work before returning to his family.

All they need to deploy is a well-timed shrug and that erotic accent of theirs for knicker elastic to automatically loosen. Or so they think. I can’t speak for French women, but here it doesn’t work. Oh non, pas du tout.

Ms. Arnison's article relates that the women in Scotland adore Fifty and "have been snapping up this publishing phenomenon. Mummy porn, S&M lite, call it what you like, the book explores bondage and various other shenanigans in millionaire Christian’s red room of pain." Having considered all this, Ms. Arnison's decided that a Scotsman has to play Christian in the movie.

Arnison says "Christian is as your typical Scottish male might be; uncommunicative, finds it difficult to have a normal conversation with a woman, thinks nothing of giving his girlfriend a good slap (on the rump)."  And she thinks that all the Hollywood hunks fighting for the role should be out of luck because she believes Christian needs more than "white-toothed, rippling-abs perfection."  Arnison thinks that he needs "that kind of swagger that you only get from carrying a large chip on your shoulder."

You know, Ms. Arnison might just have a point.  Now I've got a picture of a rumpled-haired Christian standing high atop a Scottish mountain as bagpipes play in the background.  He's wearing a kilt that's fifty shades of grey and cut just so ...  Yes, Christian Grey - the Highland laird.

The mind boggles, doesn't it?  Well, mine boogles and boggles but that's just me, I'm sure.  Now, on to imagine Christian as a Rhett Butler-style Southern gentleman.  (Oh, I know.  Rhett would deny it but he was as courteous and Southern and gentlemanly as they come.  Anyone else would've strangled Scarlett long before he didn't give a damn - or so he claimed, anyway.)

Laters, y'all!

Facebook is more addictive than smoking, according to a new study from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business study.

The group found that people are more tempted by Facebook and Twitter than sex.

The study focused on 205 people in Germany, inquiring about their urges to measure their ability to withstand regular, daily temptations. Participants ranged in age all the way from 18 to 85.  Each was given a Blackberry for a week and told to check in every 30 minutes to let researchers know about their "desires" and urges to check their social media sites.

The hardest sites for participants to resist were Facebook and Twitter.  The study's author, Wilhelm Hoffman, says it's becoming harder and harder to escape the urge to look at the social news loops one last time.

The author of the article linked here, Barbara E. Hernandez, says:

We wonder if anyone is surprised that many would choose to read and post on Facebook rather than sleep. Isn't that why we have all those mobile devices, so we can still use them in bed? And maybe many of us are spending more time interfacing with those devices rather than loved ones.

You know what I wonder?  I wonder who these people are would would rather post on Facebook than sleep.  And I really wonder who in the name of all duckness would rather update their Facebook status than have sex.  Maybe we need an intervention for these folks - lets donate some inspirational reading material.  If they trade Facebook and Twitter a few good erotic romances on their e-reader or smartphone, they'll be skipping sleep for the right reason  - and it won't involve Facebook.

You know what else?  If these people prefer Facebook to sex, I think someone's doing it wrong.  Maybe they need some  training along with the inspiration.  Erotic Romances work for that too - take a few pages of A Sixth Sense of Forever or a chapter of Brotherly Love, mix in a little Dangerous Relations:  Griffin's Law and the former Facebook addicts will know what to do, how to do it and they'll stay anxious for their next practice session.

Someone needs to show the Facebook addicts that some of the best gadgets don't have buttons!

 

Love threatens your existence while it drags you in.

No, that's not my thought.  This was the theme of a recent piece by Sadhguru for the Huffington Post.  It's written from a Hindu perspective.  I am not of that faith or belief system, but as I read it, I saw the wisdom in the thought process so I wanted to share it with my readers.

According to the article, the Hindus believe that people are made of 4 components:  the body, mind, emotion and energy.  Of these 4 parts, the strongest force is emotion.  A big part of the force of emotion is the power of love.  Sadhguru notes that in acknowledging that you love someone, you have acknowledged another person as meaning far more to you than you mean to yourself.   It threatens your existence.

The moment you say "I love you" to somebody, you will lose all your freedom, you will lose everything that you have. You can no longer do what you want in your life; there are innumerable problems. But at the same time, it drags you in. It is a sweet poison, a very sugary poison. It is self-annihilating.

Sadhguru believes that to know love - to truly experience it - some part of you must die.  The person you love must destroy the space formerly occupied by your single-minded independent thoughts, choices and values.  Choices must be made and weighed based on the scale of 'our' rather than 'my.'  "Somebody else has to occupy that space within you that was you all this time. If you do not let this happen, there is no love, only calculation."

In discussing Shiva, a Hindu deity widely regarded as the most powerful god in Hinduism,  Sadhguru says:

...continue reading "Does Love Kill?"

I read an interesting piece the other day in the Las Vegas Review-Journal.  It was a column by Jack Sheehan titled:  "Every Writer Struggles To Tell The Next Great Story." The piece was about how much more there is to writing a book than telling a story.  It's a great piece and well worth a read.  I completely agree - but I also disagree.

The story is the message in the bottle.  If you're hanging out on a dock and a bottle floats by - you might be angered at the thought that someone disrespected the planet enough to turn a lake into a trashcan.  You might give the thrower the benefit of the doubt and wonder what extreme emotion or life-changing peril the thrower was experiencing that sent the bottle flying towards a watery future.  But it'd be all about the bottle.

What if a man's been alone since his ex skipped off with his business partner and the company bank account.  Now, he's nearly decided there's nothing left to lose - nearly.  He chooses to take one last gamble, writing a note to a lady he's met only in his dreams.  He tucks it in a bottle and lets the water decide his fate.  The note is the story.

Mr. Sheehan's right that the best tale in the world won't carry a reader if it's not told well.  He relates meeting a lady who perked up when she found out he was a writer.  Yes, she had a great story to tell and needed someone to write it down.  Sheehan says:

The clear implication when folks say they have a great idea for a book or movie and just require a scribbler to put it on paper for them is that the person making the pitch is holding all the valuable goodies in this proposition and that the prospective writer is merely a necessary nuisance to be tolerated on the path to stardom.

This is akin to telling Herman Melville, "Hey, Hermie, I have this story about a big fish and a guy who's mad at it. If you can just toss some verbiage around and put the commas in the right place for me, I can take credit for one of the great novels of American literature. … Oh yeah, the fish's last name is Dick."

...continue reading "Is There More To Writing It Down Than Writing It Down?"

I read a fun piece on Huffpo titled:  "8 Reasons Why Sex Is Better After 50." Having just turned 50 last month, I found the article interesting and possibly even - inspirational.  (Be afraid, Mr. Duck.  Be very afraid!)

The piece was written by Suzanne Braun Levine and it cited a study done by the University of California at San Diego School of Medicine and the San Diego VA Healthcare System. The 806 women studied were over 40, with an average aged participant being 67.  The ladies participated in a larger study that has tracked the health of residents in a planned San Diego Community,  Rancho Bernardo, for over 40 years.

Two Thirds of the women studied reported that they were moderately or very satisfied with their sex lives.  Less than 3% reported that they always or almost always desired sex.  The results mean that the women engaged in sex for a number of reasons including desire but more often to affirm or sustain a relationship. Many of the women who reported being very satisfied with their sex lies weren't engaged in active sexual relationships.  They found sexual satisfaction through touching, caressing or the myriad other small touches exchanged throughout a long relationship.

A highlight of the study -- the proportion of women satisfied with their sex lives increased as the women got older.

Ms. Levine says she's talked to "hundreds" of ladies like those in the study for her books and she thinks there are 8 reasons why sex gets better for women as they mature:

1.    They can separate sex from reproduction;

2.   They can separate sex from love;

3.   They can separate sex from sin;

4.   They're more willing to say "what the hell;"

5.   They're not riding the hormonal roller coaster;

6.   They're motivated to discover new ways to have orgasms;

7.   They've developed a more optimistic outlook;

8.   Drugs like Viagra.

Levine makes the point that women in this range have passed "the reaches of conventional good-girl morality."  She calls "this rule-breaking behavior the Fuck-You-Fifties."  Women over 50 are risk takers who don't have to risk pregnancy to walk on the wild side.  The author feels that the 50+ ladies have mellowed with age.  They've learned to "sweat the small stuff less and cherish the moment more."

The Fuck-You-Fifties?  If I'd known that, I'd have rushed to try to get here faster.  It all makes sense to me, because when I was younger I worried so about what others would think about something I felt or did or said.  Now that I'm older, I'm much more at home and at ease in my own skin.  If I hear now that someone didn't like or didn't approve of something I think or said or did, my reaction is apt to be - okay, and why should I care?  I've finally gotten smart enough to understand how right Popeye was - "I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam."

Given all that, given how aging makes me accept myself - sags, bags, stubbornness and all - it only makes sense that like fine wine, sex gets better with age.

Now where is Mr. Duck hiding this time .......

I had to post this quick news link.  Fans of the blog know that I love EL James' "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy.  So when I read news about a possible fourth book - I had to share it here!

Apparently, in conjunction with the film a "special edition" of the trilogy is being released this week.  The linked Examiner piece says it will "offer some very exciting—and likely long awaited—sexy news to fans infatuated with a Christian Grey of their own."

The Examiner piece quotes a fan waiting in line to get Ms. James' autograph.  The fan says she overheard a rep from Vintage Books - the 50 Shades publishing company - say that the surprise announcement contained in the special edition is that there will be a fourth book.  The fan asked about it and the rep claimed that the book has been written and that he or she had read the first 5 pages.

Okay - (and, yes, I do like that word for all ages - sorry, digression based upon some recent reviews of Faerie) - but OKAY - it's not the most reliable source, but the Examiner printed the story, so they clearly felt that the account jived with the hype about the special edition.

The Examiner piece asks fans to speculate about the title for a Fourth "Fifty Shades."  Well, that woke up the duck that waddles on the treadmill that passes for my brain, and I started thinking about it.  If I were EL James - I have to pause for a moment, at the joy of imagining that one of my books will catch on a tenth or a hundredth as much as hers' have.  So, if I were EL James - once I recovered from my champagne/Vegas/Godiva spree - I'd title the Fourth Book either:

"Fifty Shades Legacy" or "Fifty Shades Consequences"  -- or perhaps -- "FIFTY SHADES REVEALED."  Eventually, one of those prior subs - or more likely several - were gonna talk, right?  And Christian's family - especially his little sister Mia, she might find the S&M lifestyle exciting enough to explore.  How would Christian feel about that?

So yeah, I say, "Fifty Shades Revealed" for the fourth book title.  What do y'all think?

Recently, I read an interesting article in the Huffington Post about a survey focusing on dating issues in the over-50 set.  The survey was conducted by OurTime.com, an online dating site for singles over 50.  The survey found that one of the biggest taboos across the board for 50+ daters was health issues.  About 64% said they would refuse to date someone with health conditions.   I find that surprising and very, very sad.  I'd expect better from folks over 50.  Do they all plan to join monasteries at the first sign of stiff joints, high cholesterol, heart trouble or diabetes? Apparently so!

More over 50's were open to dating someone they felt was "less attractive" (68%) then were singles under 35.  I hope that's because the over 50's realize that the less-attractive person they're "slumming" with may feel that they are doing the same thing.  Beauty is a personal scale and older daters should know that one person's ideal may be another's horror show.

The survey said that over-50's are more likely to play the field than are under-35's.  I think that's because older singles have learned that keeping a laser focus on each dating partner is the worst way to find a mate.  In fact, over 50's have learned that looking for a mate is the worst way to find one.  They're smart enough to just look for people to date that they can have fun with, whereas younger folks often commit so hard to each dating partner that they send the partners running for the hills.

Some issues were weighted according to where the singles' lived.  For example, 70% of the over-50's were willing to date someone of a different religion as compared to only 56% of those under 35.  And religion as a criteria was much more important to folks from the South and the West than to folks from the Northeast.  On the other side of the scale, but still with a regional flare, is politics.  More under 35's (66%) were open to dating someone from another political party than were over 55's (60%).  And 75% of those from the Northeast would date across party lines as compared to only 50% of those from the South.

Those numbers get flipped when the issue is race.  More younger folks (75% as compared to 46%) are ready to date outside of their own race.  And the numbers flip again when the issue is snooping on a dating partner by checking text messages and the like.  More older folks (75% as opposed to 63%) felt that it's bad form to snoop to try to confirm suspicious behavior.  Cheating is more acceptable to older men than older women (53% to 35%)

I think that the fact that more older than younger people are willing to date those from other religions is due to the older folks having learned that good people and bad people can be found in every denomination.  But "good" verses "bad" in terms of acceptable morals or behavior is very much a sliding scale, whereas fundamental beliefs that make us who we are don't adjust as easily.  That's why I think older folks are less likely to date outside of a political party. Liberal verses conservative is a fence that's apt to be too high to scale over the long term.

Like I said, I found this survey - and Huffpo's run-down of it, fascinating.  To me, it says a lot about how much we all learn and grow and change as we journey through our lives.  It also makes me more determined to hold on tight to my darling hubby (although he'd tell you I held on too tight even before I read the survey).  There wasn't a category for how many older daters would take on an over-the-top duck lady, but I suspect that's because I snagged the only man crazy enough to do that!