Reflections by Mary Anne Graham
Humorous or satirical posts that (for the most part) shouldn’t be taken seriously.
WHY SHOULD MEN READ ROMANCE? QUACK ON OVER TO ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT WRITING DIVAS AND READ MY BLOG POST TO FIND OUT. MAYBE YOU'LL ALSO DISCOVER WHY THE DUCK SHOWN BELOW IS DRINKING BOURBON.
Photo Credits:
Duck drinking whiskey
http://www.jokestation.org/view/357/Drunk-Duck
Female operator's manual
http://www.junekramin.com/archives/2368
I love romance. I love reading it and I adore writing it. None of that means that I can't bust a gut laughing at it.
The video below has lust, love, lust, more lust - and a heroine who really understands the meaning of multi-tasking. ENJOY - I KNOW I DID!
'Tis the Crazy Duck Lady's turn to blog over at All Day, All Night Writing Divas. This time I'm giving out the 411 on a new study that indicates love is all about geography.
Boogle on over to the Divas site and give my piece a read. THERE'S A HUNKY GUY IN AN AMERICAN FLAG THAT MAKES THE CLICK WORTHWHILE ALL ON HIS YUMMY OWN.
After you spend some quality time drooling over flag guy, be sure and leave a comment!
This is the 19th Year that London's Literary Review has handed out a prize known as the Bad Sex Award. Basically, it honors the "worst sex scene of the year." The prize was established in 1993 to highlight and discourage the "crude, tasteless, and often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in contemporary novels". The award itself is a plaster foot "which is supposed to represent something to do with sex, though no one seems sure what".
It's not a list you'd expect to see Stephen King, James Frey and Lee Child on - now is it? But they were just 3 of the nominated authors. The full list includes:
This year's prize was won by David Guterson for "Ed King," which is described as a "reimagining of Oedipus Rex". With that book, should Mr. Guterson have been surprised to win the tongue-in-cheek honor? One thinks ----- not. The author wasn't surprised, as it turns out. "Mr. Guterson sent a message: “Oedipus practically invented bad sex, so I’m not in the least bit surprised.”
In the ceremony where the award was presented to Guterson - or someone on behalf of his publisher, Bloomsbury, the judges said Guterson's sex scene won because of its “uncertain register, euphemism and ineffective irony,” particularly in the part where “she abused him with a bar of soap.” Parts of the entry that snagged Guterson the prize can be read here. I haven't read Guterson's book, but the description of the "no man's land" between a woman's "front parlor" and "back door" made me want to scream at the author to remind him that even if a book isn't a romance, a sex scene should always carry some emotion for the love of all ducks in the universe. It shouldn't ever read like confusing directions from the guy at the gas station. Romance has truly gone by the wayside when a character in the middle of a sex scene makes observations like “a freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina look very much alike”. That one's from Murakami's 1Q84, by the way.
One of the authors nominated this year had the dubious honor of having been nominated before. Christos Tsiolkas, whose "Dead Europe" was nominated this year, responded last year to his prior nomination for "The Slap" by speculating that the judges had "weird formative sex experiences at Eton". As Tsiolkas' comment was mentioned at this year's ceremony at London's In and Out Club, a member of the audience noted that the author's theory sounded "completely reasonable."
The books' highly sexed leading characters are compared to "wakening beasts, lightning rods, outrageous sea creatures and “the midnight train.” Quotes from this year's nominees include:
"In the shower, Ed stood with his hands at the back of his head, like someone just arrested, while she abused him with a bar of soap." (Ed King/Guterson)
"She was wearing jeans. The fabric whispered under my palm. She leaned back and her head bonked on the door. 'Ouch!' I said. 'Are you all right?'" (11.22.63/King)
"[Her breasts] seemed to be virtually uninfluenced by the force of gravity, the nipples turned beautifully upward, like a vine's new tendrils seeking sunlight." (1Q84/Murakami)
"Faster, harder, faster, harder. The room began to shake. Just faintly at first, like a mild constant tremor, like the edge of a far distant earthquake. The French door trembled in its frame. A glass rattled on the bathroom shelf. The floor quivered. The hall door creaked and shuttered. My shoes hopped and moved. The bedhead hammered against the wall. The floor shook hard. The walls boomed. Coins in my abandoned pocket tinkled." (The Affair/Child)
None of my books has made the list yet. I think that's because I can't write a sex scene without remembering that romance isn't about sex - sex is about romance. Likely, my books also haven't made the list because the judges haven't heard of me --- yet. But you never know - my books on Amazon are selling quite well in the UK so next year might be my year.
If next year's my year I'll begin my acceptance speech by commenting on the trophy and suggesting where they might put their foot....
While the Crazy Duck Woman works on some pressing things, I, the Angry Old Fat Dude, will feature one of a few comedy pieces I did for the now-defunct FlavaCountry.com back on Christmas Eve of 2001. I hope you enjoy it. If not, tough s*** I hate you anyway you Grinch-lookin' bastard.
Oh yeah, Christmas time. I've seen a lot "bah humbug" on the Interweb this year, what with the economic situation being in a slump and all.
Even though we may not be able to purchase a lot of things this season, we know we can at least see a good Christmas light presentation at the malls. The "Twelve Days of Christmas", "Winter Wonderland", and other such various secular, non-offensive Christmas carols provide themes to base a huge, yet tasteful, set of mall Christmas decorations upon.
However, if you've lived down here in the South for any substantial length of time, you should know one of the best kept Yuletide secrets we have here in the heart of Dixie. We rednecks don't go to the malls to see the best displays of Christmas lights in town. Oh no.
We go to the trailer parks.
Or "manufactured home villages", if you prefer the politically correct nomenclature. I and my extended family don't care for the sugarcoating; "trailer park" is an accurate term to describe where most of us live, and by God, we'd rather own a piece of s*** than rent the Taj Mahal. I can get into the origins of this philosophy at a later date, but not now. Now we're talking about CHRISTMAS.
...continue reading "The Best Kept Secret About Christmas in Dixie"
Huffpo published a piece about romance novel covers that proved the article's writer hadn't paid the first bit of attention to the linked video advertised in the headline. No matter.
The video is a Kensington romance novel covershoot and includes some great comments from industry pros at the publishing house. About the second or third time you watch it, you might be able to pay attention to the comments. Don't even try to take in the dialogue the first time around. The first time is a feast for the eyes and spirits of all who find returning to work after a holiday a real downer.
And like the headline says: You're Welcome.
It's been a week full of way too many "sewius" things. Like work. My day job. A lawyer's work is many things but fun is rarely one of them.
Too often, my job is way too SEWIUS. So, without further quacking, I bring you a song sure to make you smile.