<\/p>\n
I had an experience last week that has me thinking about life in general. \u00a0The experience may not have been earth shattering for anyone else, but it sure means a lot to me. \u00a0I got my mojo back.<\/strong><\/p>\n \n At first I didn't realize it was missing. \u00a0I was still writing, wasn't I? \u00a0Well, sort of. \u00a0I still wrote. \u00a0I still opened my laptop and kept plugging along on my WIP, The Duke of Eden<\/a><\/em>. Okay, I was plodding than plugging but I was writing. \u00a0Every weekend and a couple of nights a week I made myself write. \u00a0Made myself write? Yeah, I did. \u00a0I realized that I wasn't writing for the joy of it. I wasn't writing because I had to write. \u00a0I wasn't writing because I couldn't NOT write. \u00a0That's when I knew it was gone.<\/p>\n But lots of things are gone these days. Perhaps life changes, reduces, contracts, but it goes on. \u00a0I think we've all learned to walk away from things. \u00a0We've let them go and kept walking because that's what we had to do. \u00a0So even if my writer's mojo had left me, I didn't need it. \u00a0I'd keep walking and I'd even keep writing. \u00a0I'd keep going forward until it got better. \u00a0Because if I kept going, it would get better, wouldn't it?<\/p>\n Except lots of time passed and it didn't get better. \u00a0I kept moving forward but I never got anywhere. \u00a0The holidays went by and I adored having my family together and my eldest home where he belongs. \u00a0But there was lots of time for me to write over the holidays. \u00a0I couldn't spend every<\/em> moment in Zack's room staring at him sappily while he played World of Warcraft. \u00a0(Eventually he'd kick me out.)<\/p>\n When I'd get evicted from Zack-watching I'd go by and pester John and then stop in to pester my youngest, Sam. \u00a0All of them stay fairly ensconced at a computer somewhere. So I'd head back to the den where my Toshiba Satellite sits on a nice little folding table I got for Christmas a few years ago from my hubby. \u00a0I'd sit on my end of the love seat and spend more time watching TV than working on my book. \u00a0Whole days would pass with me cranking out a paragraph. \u00a0On a good day, I might write 2 paragraphs. \u00a0That should've been a sharp wake up call for someone who used to laugh at people who said a writer's prime was about 6 pages a day.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n For the love of all things that quack, it got so bad that I starting searching around on the weekends to find America's Next Top Model<\/em>. \u00a0(It's generally on somewhere.) \u00a0But if I couldn't find it, I'd watch marathons of Cops<\/em>,\u00a0House Hunters<\/em>, Top Chef<\/em> or Parking Wars<\/em>. \u00a0Notice a theme there? \u00a0I didn't for a long time. \u00a0But yeah, I guess I was hiding from creativity. \u00a0I was taking refuge in reality - or the TV version anyway.<\/p>\n You know what it took for me to realize how much I missed my mojo? I got a 5-star review on Amazon from a lovely reader for The Duke of Eden<\/em><\/a>. \u00a0She mentioned that she particularly enjoyed the writer's voice in the story - or the 2 parts that are up so far. \u00a0(I'm publishing this one in serial form for Kindle only. The full book will be available everywhere - including Amazon.) \u00a0That comment made me realize that somehow, somewhere, in losing my mojo - I'd lost my voice. \u00a0\u00a0And it's a big part of who I am. \u00a0Could I give that up? \u00a0Had I already left it too far behind to go back and retrieve?<\/p>\n The next couple of times I sat at my laptop after that review, I was at least motivated. \u00a0I was trying to hear my characters telling me their story. \u00a0But no matter how hard I tried, the only voice I heard was mine, the bad part of mine. \u00a0I heard the English major part that worried more about word choice than mood or emotion. I couldn't hear my muse. \u00a0I couldn't even feel my muse. \u00a0I started getting scared.<\/p>\n Then last Saturday I sat down at my computer, turned on some reality show and tried to write again. \u00a0Then my eyes and my attention started wandering. I started fiddling around with the position of the little white folding table where my laptop resides. \u00a0I was trying to get it closer to the loveseat so I could prop a pillow behind me and reduce the strain on my back. \u00a0I fiddled with the table a while and found a closer position. \u00a0Then I got up and propped the pillow behind me and leaned back to enjoy. \u00a0Bliss.<\/p>\n Bliss led me down memory lane, and made me recall my early writing days. \u00a0Sam - who's now 13 - was a happy 3-year-old. \u00a0I'd steal time away from maternal and household duties to sit on the floor with the old IBM Thinkpad John has recently resurrected<\/a> positioned on the fireplace. I'd tune the TV to one of the music choice channels<\/a> and I'd write and write.<\/p>\n Wait a minute - lets back up. \u00a0My floor-sitting days are behind me but what else could I do to recreate the atmosphere of yesterday. Then sometimes my muse spoke so loud that she drowned out my husband, my kids and reality. What was the other ingredient in that mix? \u00a0Oh yeah - the music. \u00a0I turned the TV to a news channel and muted the volume. \u00a0Then I tuned in my favorite radio station - Q 105 out of Tampa Bay, Florida<\/a> - by way of the internet.<\/p>\n You know what I did then? \u00a0I wrote. \u00a0I couldn't NOT write because muse was nearly shouting in my mind. \u00a0She was telling me I'd gone astray with part of my story, but that's okay. \u00a0I hadn't published the straying part anywhere yet. \u00a0So I went back and re-wrote and then I kept going and going. \u00a0It's flowing again. \u00a0Naturally and right and I know it's right because the characters are telling me the story. And I hear them so clearly that sometimes John will be perched on the other end of the love seat, typing away at his Zombie laptop, and he'll say something. \u00a0I won't hear him and he'll have to repeat it. \u00a0The other day I had to apologize and tell him my mind was far away in Regency England and I'd missed his question. \u00a0That rocked. \u00a0That really rocked. \u00a0I knew I had it back. \u00a0My muse, my mojo, my voice.<\/p>\n And I realized something else too. \u00a0We don't always have to keep pushing forward. \u00a0Sometimes the way forward leads backwards. \u00a0But that's okay. \u00a0Life may go in a circle. \u00a0It may zigzag or it may even double back. \u00a0Some things are worth going back for and others are worth going back to. \u00a0Sometimes, you have to go backward to go forward. \u00a0And that's okay too.<\/p>\n Yes, lots of things have changed in today's economy, in today's world. \u00a0I think everyone has had to let go of some things. \u00a0But that's all they were - things. \u00a0The things don't matter. \u00a0What matters is refusing to let go of your friends, your family and of pieces of yourself. \u00a0Because as long as you hold on to yourself you can keep on reaching out to embrace the ones you love. \u00a0The things are excess. \u00a0The people are essential. \u00a0But you're one of the people who should also matter. \u00a0It's not selfish to hold onto whatever it is that makes you happy. \u00a0For me, writing matters. \u00a0My voice, my muse is another part of me that I only show the world through my stories. \u00a0But she can't get lost or be left behind. \u00a0She's essential.<\/p>\n I've lost my muse several times recently, but after this time, I hope I remember that the key to keeping her is to recall how my writing \"career\" started. \u00a0If I refuse to change the habits of the past that work, I can let go of whatever things reality might require. \u00a0It'll let me hold onto the people, including my muse.<\/p>\n And you want proof that Duke of Eden<\/a><\/em> will soon be finished and out there in the world for all my readers, including the kind reviewer who helped me find my way back? \u00a0Here's proof - I did the household bills tonight. Also, I'm writing this blog entry on Saturday night, in front of \u00a0the TV, instead of on Sunday morning when I always write my blog pieces. \u00a0How's that proof, you ask?<\/p>\n Sunday is prime writing time.<\/p>\n \n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I had an experience last week that has me thinking about life in general. \u00a0The experience may not have been earth shattering for anyone else, but it sure means a lot to me. \u00a0I got my mojo back. At first I didn't realize it was missing. \u00a0I was still writing, wasn't I? \u00a0Well, sort of. ...continue reading \"Sometimes You Have To Go Backwards To Go Forwards\"<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,4,6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1439"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1439"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1439\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1442,"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1439\/revisions\/1442"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quackingalone.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}