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God Emperor of Soon – Installment 8

Installments 1, 2, 3, 45, 6 and 7.


I’m a registered Republican. I’m a pretty conservative guy. I’m somewhat liberal on social issues, especially health care, et cetera, but I’d be leaving another party, and I’ve been close to that party. - Trump, before the Apotheosis

The desert.

That's what most of the world had become, and in the middle of it was where Hillary the Ghola found herself at that moment, sweating and suffering.

She turned to the right at the giant obelisk and trekked what seemed like dozens of miles, per the directions given to her by Jenner. Several millennia ago, Hillary Prima knew the tower as the Washington Monument. Since then, though, it had been purchased by an entertainment megacorporation during the Entertainment Wars and had "The Huffington Post" carved upon its stone sides.

When she asked Jenner how she was going to get to the Post, considering it was in the former Washington D.C. and the God Emperor's palace was in the area previously named New York City, he told her about Trump's vast expansion of the subway system after the desert encroached, and how it now networked all over the North American hemisphere. Ironically enough, that old worm couldn't use the subway himself; he was much too large. But he could go amazing speeds in the sand, and was actually strengthened by the heat and grit.

So here she was, after exiting the subterranean transport and a long walk. All of the government edifices were razed, either by war or sand or a combination thereof. Her beloved White House was just a memory. Instead, she had finally arrived at the only thing left here, which had been built after her first incarnation had perished.

The Republican Memorial.

Hillary stood in front of a gigantic "W" that rose from the sand, built from stone and tipped with gold (or at least something that looked like gold).

God, how she hated that letter of the alphabet. It brought back so many bad memories.

However, those memories were important right now. According to Jenner, the Republican Memorial had been set up to pay tribute to each contributor to the God Emperor's Apotheosis by being, to quote Him directly, a "bunch of losers".

Each Republican that played a significant role in the Apotheosis of Trump was actually entombed here. All of the political Bushes - George H. W., George W., Jeb - along with the more valuable members of their staff - Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney - were here. So was Ronaldus Magnus, but the God Emperor didn't consider him that much of a loser so he didn't get the prominence that the Bushes did. Another more reverent memorial was built for him on the other side of the continent.

Hillary turned to look behind her. Dust clouds in a line, approaching but still far off near the horizon. "Shit," she thought. "I don't have a lot of time."

Jenner told her of an opportunity to exact her vengeance on the worm and take her rightful place in the universe. Trump enjoyed zipping along the sand to periodically visit the Memorial, to gloat over His triumphs against the Republican party hacks. It so happened that His visit was to occur a couple of days after her clandestine meeting with Jenner.

2004. She remembered that year well, maybe not as well as the ill-fated 2008, but it was still a sad year for her and the Democrats. Jenner had cryptically mentioned the year to give her a clue about a weapon she could use against the God Emperor. What happened in 2004? Dubya got his second term. Why? What is so earth-shattering about 2004?

Dubya got his second term. His brother, Jeb the smart one, was a state governor at the time, damn them both. What was the state? Florida.


Hillary the Ghola began frantically searching the mausoleums. She finally found the one she wanted, almost completely crumbled on one side and on the other it had been defaced thousands of years ago with a Darth Vader visage. But the name was still there - Richard Cheney.

She reached down into the rubble, moving debris as quickly as she could. There it was, a primitive mechanical heart, the secret one that had kept Cheney alive all of those years. She followed wires leading from it down, down.

And there it was. A metallic black rectangular box with several buttons and a large joystick, with the phrase "Weathertron XL 2000" emblazoned on the top front.

Just at that moment, while she examined it, she heard an all-too-familiar voice.

"Hillary! Old Crooked Hillary! What are you doing here, in the worst place you can think of, where all those eeeevil Republicans are? You just wanted to be here with a lot of losers, like yourself?"

Hillary turned to see the God Emperor's worm-face right next to hers, and two squads of Duck-Speakers parked alongside Him in fast desert vehicles. "I'm just taking in the view, Trump. Enjoying the scenery much like you do."

"Oh Hillary old girl, you're just a lying little loser liar. You got another SocMed gun hidden behind a grave here somewhere?" Trump peered at corners of the mausoleums.

"Oh no no no, Trump. I finally have something good for you. Take this."

She quickly punched the buttons on the Weathertron like it was an old Blackberry. The clouds suddenly darkened, and one could smell the moisture gathering.

The God Emperor looked appalled. "Oh... shit..." He began darting away from Hillary as quickly as He could. But not quick enough.

A torrential rain commenced, and the worm's carapace started falling off, exposing gore and flesh, which then liquified in the water. The Duck-Speakers looked on in horror as they were soaked by the downpour.

After He was thoroughly destroyed, Hillary spoke up. "Okay ladies. Meet your new boss. Haven't you always wanted to work for a woman?"

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