Thu 17 Jun 2010
Posted by angryoldfatman under Humor, Personal Life
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Mary Anne and I weren’t always married, though it seems like it after 20+ years. I still had a lot to learn about women when she and I first got married. One of those things I had to learn was how women had an entirely different methodology for shopping than men.
I found it best to think about it in terms of our hunter-gatherer ancestry. Men were the hunters; the first thing we saw that could provide the necessary meat for the tribe was the first thing we stabbed to death and brought home. We knew the general locations where those meals on legs could be found, so we just went there, waited for them to show up, go Stone Age on their asses, and then, VOILA, lunchtime.
Men today shop the same way, except huge discount stores make it so much easier to spot that button-down oxford shirt, sneak up on it, spear it, and drag it back to our caves.
Women? That’s a whole different game. One that men will never understand, except to note it somehow evolved from jabbering at each other while wandering among groves of fruit trees.
As an example of what happens when these worlds collide, I present an account of my first married shopping trip with Mary Anne:
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Sun 13 Jun 2010
Is having breakfast for supper a Southern thing?
Last night I decided that I wanted breakfast for supper. Okay, maybe recalling that IHOP has those cheesecake stacker pancakes right now had something to do with it. The other factor – if one needs more than the idea of cheesecake as an incentive – was that at suppertime we could get into IHOP. You’ve got to remember that the family Graham resides in Myrtle Beach which is a tourist town.
Tourists, God love ‘em, come down on vacation talking a good game. You’ll hear them in line at the grocery store or passing by at the mall talking about how stupid folks are to travel to somewhere different and still eat at the chain restaurants. Like I said, they talk a good game. Anybody who lives in Myrtle and has tried to get into an Olive Garden for supper or an IHOP for breakfast knows that it’s all talk. Locals will drive up to those places, see the throngs crowding around, and leave and go somewhere else.
So there was a stroke of genius in my madness last night. It occurred to me that maybe breakfast for supper was a Southern thing and maybe IHOP wouldn’t be crowded. And EUREKA!! Once in a great while – I’m right. It was so not crowded that my kids, seeing the nearly empty parking lot, wondered if it was open. But it was and not only did I get my cheesecake stackers (strawberry), but we were seated in a nearly empty section that allowed the family to have a loud and raucous debate. (Apologies to the one smart diner – a single man – who decided to leave and likely swore off the ideas of marriage and children for life.)
Mr. Quack brought up a debate we’d been having at home as he is in the throes of designing the man tittie cover for the serialization of my WIP, a regency historical. He doesn’t get my reference to “Eden Without The Apple.” He’s also convinced that readers wouldn’t get it either and would be confused by theological implications. I replied that women drawn in by man titties wouldn’t be thinking about the Bible at the time.
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Thu 10 Jun 2010
AOFM here, not feeling too well. Bad lifestyle choices + piles of stress = world of hurt. We’re going to have to make this one short.
As you know, Mary Anne wrote on June 6th about serialized books and how they could open up new (but actually very old) ways of making electronic distribution a little more interesting for the reader and more educational and fun for the writer.
Well, the very same day a bigwig in the e-publishing industry wrote about the very same thing, listing a subset of the same authors my wife listed in her blog post.
Same-said bigwig posted on the same topic on the bigwig’s site the next day. That same day, the bigwig wrote about it on a bigwig political & news site.
Wow, that’s an unbelievable coincidence, isn’ t it? Predicting on the very day the very topic and even the very list of authors that the bigwig was going to write about, before he did so!
It’s like my wife is psycho psychic or something!
Sun 6 Jun 2010
Many famous novels have appeared in serial form but, perhaps the most famous serial wasn’t a novel at all. In 1914 the motion picture serial, The Perils of Pauline, was shown in installments. The title character is the archetype for “damsels in distress” as each episode featured her getting embroiled in various life-threatening situations – like being tied to the railroad tracks. The heroine, of course, was inevitably rescued or escaped certain death – only to get herself into trouble again next time.
Pauline aside, a host of acclaimed books have been serialized. One of the first was One Thousand And One Nights which introduced famous characters like Sinbad the Sailor and Aladdin. One of the most famous serial authors was Charles Dickens who published each chapter as a serialized piece. That’s why most of his work is so long - more chapters equal more money. Dickens’ left off each piece with a cliffhanger. Famously, for his chase story The Old Curiosity Shop, American fans waiting at the docks to meet the ships bringing in the next installment shouted at the ships’ crew demanding to be told whether Little Nell was dead.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle created his Sherlock Holmes tales as serial pieces for a magazine. Thomas Hardy created many pieces via serialization, including Tess Of The D’Urbervilles. More recent writers have also returned to the format. Stephen King has dabbled in the genre. King began offering “The Plant” in serial form on his website, charging $1.00 for each of the 6 chapters that he’d written. However, in late 2000 he abruptly halted the project, leaving readers without an ending. Tom Wolfe’s Bonfire of the Vanities was serialized by Rolling Stone magazine, and Douglas Clegg got a 5 figure advance for serialization of his novel, Nightmare House. (more…)
Wed 2 Jun 2010
Posted by angryoldfatman under The E-book Industry
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AOFM here.
As an old guy who has followed technology since cell phones resembled my BFF, I was more than a little shocked when the news broke that Apple had become bigger than Microsoft.
I really shouldn’t have been all that surprised.
The three big things that Apple always did while Steve Jobs was in charge was innovate, innovate, and innovate. While Jobs has had failures both inside (Lisa, Newton) and outside Apple (NeXT), he always manages to learn things from them and, most importantly, to keep the good stuff. In other words, Apple doesn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Since Microsoft inherited its 800-pound gorilla status from IBM back in the late 80′s/early 90′s, it hasn’t innovated as much as it has… ahem… “borrowed”. Which isn’t necessarily a bad business model – hell, it’s how Apple got a little kick-start from Xerox. But innovation wasn’t the most important component of Microsoft that got Bill Gates his billions upon billions. What was important was making sure Windows and other Microsoft products were an indispensable part of affordable computers.
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Sun 30 May 2010
After Lee DeWyze was crowned American Idol instead of Crystal Bowersox, an amazing thing happened. I finally understood why Adam Lambert lost Idol. It just took me a year to figure it out. Okay, so I’m a little slow. But judging from the goobeldygob of irate stories and reviews that followed the competition, a whole bunch of folks are even slower than me.
I’m slow, but I’m not the slowest. That’s always a comfort.
Last year, Adam Lambert was amazing on Idol and he lost. Okay, some of his post-Idol antics made me a wee bit glad that he lost. But still, the thought remained kicking around in my head until this season. How did Adam lose? How could he be that good, that far above the others, and still not win the whole thing?
This season turned out to be deja vu all over again. There were all the others and then there was Mama Sox. Just like last year, the judges would periodically slide in a sly comment about her superiority. Once she was accused of being too certain that she’d win – a charge she protested heartily. On Tuesday her final songs outclassed Lee’s so easily that she looked like a sure thing. But then again, so did Adam last year after his final competition performance.
But this year, my feelings were different. This year, I was hoping that Lee would pull it off, and I cheered when he did. Last year I just walked away from the finale bummed. You know what, Simon’s last interviews made me think that he’d had the same transformation as little ole’ me, little Mrs. Nobody from the Redneck Rivera. (Heck, if I was gonna have something in common with Cowell, couldn’t it have been my bank balance?)
That’s why it took this year to make me understand last year and to possibly predict next season. Now that I get it, I’ll be able to watch the process happen and chart it in my twisted little brain. What is it, you ask?
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Thu 27 May 2010
Hi there my little steamed dumplings, it’s yours truly, Angry Old Fat Man. We’ve decided to add a new feature to the website, mainly me rambling on about stuff in the middle of the week to augment Mary Anne’s weekend posts.
Mary Anne has a lot on her plate, especially writing-wise. She writes legalese while daylight burns, then comes home and puts in another work shift taking care of me and the children while trying to find time to write her books. Then the weekend comes, and it’s laundry, cooking, and bill-paying while trying to think of something to fill a blog post. And then actually typing out the post.
I swear to you, I don’t know how she does it. I would have run out naked into the street with a growling chainsaw and a Pez dispenser full of Xanax if I had that kind of schedule.
So being the helpful hubby, I suggested to her that I could post something in the middle of the week to keep readership up.
Yeah, she bought it. HA!
Now I get to torture entertain YOU, the formerly unsuspecting blog reader, with inane garbage insightful comments on random brain flotsam whimsical ideas and interesting events.
Just look for AOFM-MWU in the title of the post around Wednesday or Thursday of a single an occasional every week.
Tentative subject for next week: Apple overtakes Microsoft. See you then!
Sun 23 May 2010
Joe Konrath, author of the Jack Daniels thriller series and of the new resource for indie writers – The Newbies Guide to Publishing – has inked a deal that sieges the Publishing Royals’ Castle. It also charts the course, showing the Royals, authors and agents where the future lies. The deal itself and the fact that it is with the biggest, baddest ebookseller AND bookseller on the planet has traditional publishing Royals hunkering down in the castle in the futile hope that they can survive the coming indie siege.
Konrath signed a publishing deal with AmazonEncore for the newest JD thriller, Shaken. Under the deal, Shaken will be available in the Kindle store this October and will then be available in print about four months later, in February 2011. The deal turns the traditional arrangements around 180 degrees and has the Kindle version released first with the print book following several months later. Some of the Royals have been trying to kill the upstart ebook industry by releasing their “big” books only in paper form for several months. That would force loyal fans to buy the paper version and discourage the fans from investing in the future. Or so the Royals thought and the Royals are used to deciding what we will read, when we will read it and how we will read it.
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Sun 16 May 2010
Writers have lots of ideas. We have great, immense, goobledegobs of ideas. Most of them are destined to be born and die within the disturbed realms of our fertile little brains. Most, but not all. A few of those notions do grow up to be books.
I germinate ideas or script scenarios in my head all the time. My imagination is where I go to escape when the job is too sad or demanding or when reality bites too hard. But it’s not only stress or sadness that sends me to Mary Anne World. Sometimes a great TV show will send me there. I’ve written alternate scripts for many a Grey’s Anatomy episode, and I’ve made up whole romances that only lived in my head (Cristina and Webber, anyone? And I always thought Izzie belonged with Dr. Burke) Like I said, my head is a strange place.
Of course, it’s not just Grey’s that gives birth to ideas. I’ve gotten romance ideas for Dr. House and Cuddy or Gordon Ramsey and a Hell’s Kitchen contestant. So far, none of those has grown up to be a book, but in the future, you never know. Griffin’s Law came to be after I imagined Grey’s in a law school.
But its not just TV that brings ideas. Sometimes they grow from reading an interesting legend on the Internet (the MacLeods of Skye and their famed faerie flag became my – so far – three part Forever Series). The idea for E-mail Enticement came during a CLE seminar. The first book I ever wrote , Brotherly Love, came from the most unique place. Usually the characters create the story but with my first book, the message created the story. I got to thinking about how big and broad love is and I wondered why we create boxes and rules to try to limit and define what we should only celebrate. The characters in Brotherly are more “real” than in most romance novels, because they were intended to be more like us – flaws and all – and the story was written to make the reader think instead of just experience.
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Sun 25 Apr 2010
I will not eat it with a spoon. I will not ponder it all through June. I do not want heartache stew. Sunshine, Sunshine how could you?
‘Tis said that one of the real deal couples on the show will be calling it quits this season. The cause of the breakup is “a very serious issue” that they can’t get past. ‘Tis also said that there’s gonna be a new hook up on the show. And the new hook-up allegedly involves McSteamy reconnecting with his man whore roots. People are speculating that the break up will not involve the dream team (Mer/Der). But the grist for everyone’s mill has been the same as the grist churning around in mine – Sunshine says the finale will be a game changer for every single character; see links above and this one.
So, Grey’s fans, this Thursday’s episode – “Hook Line & Sinner” – will be the first new one in several weeks and it will begin the march to the finale. Now’s the time for all Grey’s fans to strap on the swami hat and commence speculating. I’ve got mine on and I’m reaching under the sofa for my crystal ball – man that thing is dusty.
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