Installments 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7.
I’m a registered Republican. I’m a pretty conservative guy. I’m somewhat liberal on social issues, especially health care, et cetera, but I’d be leaving another party, and I’ve been close to that party. - Trump, before the Apotheosis
That's what most of the world had become, and in the middle of it was where Hillary the Ghola found herself at that moment, sweating and suffering.
She turned to the right at the giant obelisk and trekked what seemed like dozens of miles, per the directions given to her by Jenner. Several millennia ago, Hillary Prima knew the tower as the Washington Monument. Since then, though, it had been purchased by an entertainment megacorporation during the Entertainment Wars and had "The Huffington Post" carved upon its stone sides.
...continue reading "God Emperor of Soon – Installment 8"
Installments 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 .
What I'm doing is going to do some good. And we're going to change the world. - Bruce Jenner, before his first Transformation.
She beheld the smoothly inhuman face of Jenner extremely close to hers when she came out of her hysterical stupor. "What happened?" Suddenly her memories of the last few minutes came back, jarring her to full consciousness. "Oh my God... What a monster... He... my daughter..." She felt faint again.
"Whoa whoa whoa. Let's not have a repeat of that, okay? But now you see."
She hesitated, then the anger boiled up. "Yes. I see now why... why He must... HE MUST DIE!"
Jenner put a finger to his lips and shushed her. "Quiet, now. You've got to be a little more subtle if you want to be successful."
...continue reading "God Emperor of Soon – Installment 7"
Installments 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 .
I believe the primary role of the state is to teach, train, and raise children. Parents have a secondary role. - Hillary Prima
Hillary the Ghola was suspicious. "Where are you taking me? What do I need to see?"
Jenner replied, "We are going to where you were born. Or, more correctly, where gholas are born. And what you need to see is what all the Hillarys have seen that made them understand what a true monster Trump is. Not just His outward form, but his inner self as well."
...continue reading "God Emperor of Soon – Installment 6"
Installments 1, 2, 3, and 4.
And one of the best answers I heard was from a commentator yesterday saying, "Leave it the way it is right now, there have been very few problems, leave it the way it is." There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate, there has been so little trouble. - Trump, before the Apotheosis.
Bill Clinton was talking on the phone, laughing that big Southern laugh of his, no doubt shooting the bull with one of his good buddies in Congress and trying to cut a deal on legislation Bill wanted pushed through. His hand eased down toward his lap... and grabbed the short dark hair on a chubby female head as it bobbed slowly...
The nightmare dissipated instantly as Hillary the Ghola jerked upright in bed. THAT BASTARD! THAT SORRY, HORNY, REDNECK SON OF A BITCH!
...continue reading "God Emperor of Soon – Installment 5"
Sorry about that my dearies. Big old nasty husband here, by the way.
I was in the process of writing up the fifth installment of my dumb little series "God Emperor of Soon" and clicked the Publish button instead of the Save Draft button. I unpublished it as soon as I could, but the incomplete post still hit Twitter and possibly other social media that Mary Anne happens to be using.
So if you get here by clicking a link that goes to a non-existent page, that's why.
Many apologies, and have a relaxing Labor Day.
Angry Old Fat Man
First installment here.
Second installment here.
Third installment here.
You know, I'm not sitting here like some little woman standing by my man, like Tammy Wynette. - Hillary Prima
She began following the God Emperor's cart down a long curved hallway. Upon the walls were paintings - large rectangular portraits. Portraits she recognized from her lessons.
Jeb Bush. Carly Fiorina. Ted Cruz. Bernie Sanders. Marco Rubio. Al Gore. Arianna Huffington. So many, many others.
...continue reading "God Emperor of Soon – Installment 4"
First installment here.
Second installment here.
It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming! - Trump, before the Apotheosis
"So Hillary, let's talk about you and about how you feel. You doing okay? Your lessons going good, yeah?"
The waitstaff began filing in with the most delicious-smelling and beautifully presented meal she'd ever smelled and seen, and arranged the table just so.
...continue reading "God Emperor of Soon – Installment 3"
First installment here.
I've had a beautiful, I've had a flawless campaign. You'll be writing books about this campaign. - Trump, before The Apotheosis.
Hillary the Ghola had the same upbringing as her predecessors.
Born from one of the mysterious axlotl tanks in a lab deep in the bowels of the God Emperor's palace, she proceeded to be educated about Hillary Prima and His Imperial Greatness. Their history together from circa 30 BA (Before Apotheosis) to 1 AI (Anno Imperator) was the main subject matter.
When she asked her tutors and other Duck-Speakers (who were all women for whatever reason) why she had to learn such boring fare, she was told it was to prepare her for her day of awakening.
...continue reading "God Emperor of Soon – Installment 2"
Hello children, it's me, your favorite aggravated husband of a Crazy Duck Lady.
Aforementioned Crazy Duck Lady has said to me repeatedly that she thinks I should write something - an anthology of comedic quips or quotes, or possibly even a narrative.
After seeing the meteoric rise of Donald (Duck) Trump on the national stage and the internet's somewhat sarcastic rebranding of his personality, I felt that burning itch of a muse that Mary Anne speaks of.
Either a muse or a fungus, I can never tell which.
Anyway, today I start (cue dramatic score) ...
The God Emperor of Soon (a bad sci-fi parody)
...continue reading "God Emperor of Soon – Installment 1"
Hi guys, it's the Angry One, making a small contribution from the storehouse of dysfunction that is Crazy Duck Lady's husband's brain.
Over a decade ago, I used to write little comedy bits for websites here and there. They are all gone now, but I've managed to dredge up a few little things from my packrat hard drive. A couple of them I've put on the blog here already, but there was one series in particular that I enjoyed writing - the story of Ogg and Linda, caveman and wife.
I used a lot of my own experiences with women and the funny differences between them and the male half of the species for material. After a marriage lasting over 25 years and interaction with women on a daily basis at the workplace, the comedy almost wrote itself.
This particular story came from my helping the ladies of the one of the departments in my workplace move their offices around.
There are some things in our climb from the swamp to the stars that will never change for women, one of those things being a dissatisfaction with all arrangements of furniture...
...continue reading "Ogg & Linda #1 – Furniture"