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Empty Nest, Somewhat (May 2019)

Hi there, children, it's me the Obese Guy with Anger Issues. It's been awhile, I know, what took me so long to update blah blah blah make me a sandwich and get me a Capri Sun and shut the hell up.

My darling wife the Crazy Duck and Little Yappy Dog Lady and I have finally done it. We've raised our two boys into full-fledged men. I've got to say it was a team effort and I'm extremely proud of the job we've done.

The eldest is a mechanical engineer working for the Feds, more specifically a Navy contractor dealing with nuclear vessels. This job of his pays very well, much more than I ever earned per year. However, in dealing with the Federal government, he has finally realized that dear old Dad was correct in his assessments of the workplace, i.e. that no matter how much you love what you do for a living, the place and many of the people you work with are huge pains in the ass. Also, except for handing out paychecks, the Human Resources Department is a useless wart on the ass of any organization and should be minimized to the bare bones.

The youngest son graduated with a cum laude from his 4-year university a few weeks back with great praise and celebration. He is pursuing a historian career, which unfortunately requires more schooling. We have arranged his graduate work to be done in Charleston, South Carolina, which is well within driving distance of me and his mother and the little yappy dog which he loves dearly.

Charleston is a marvelous place to study history, since it existed long before the U.S. did (see Charles Towne), and being a major seaport for centuries has seen the likes of the pirates Blackbeard, Anne Bonny, and Stede Bonnet. So even while my son is pursuing his dream job, he can get some supplemental income from all the Charleston jobs related to its history available.

In celebration of the youngest's graduation, the eldest arranged at his own expense a week for both of them at Universal Studios, Florida in Orlando.

Since the only available cars they had were mine and their mother's, the boys decided to take mine. Mary Anne wanted them to take her car since it was small and less burdensome. Packing for the trip was going to be a laborious task, but we began. We had to make sure the GPS worked and that they could power their electronic gadgets.

Then it happened. The gremlins, those little bastards, decided to begin attacking. No power at all was coming into the power outlet. I tried to decipher the fusebox diagram, I changed out a fuse, and it still didn't work. Then I handed over the car to a neighborhood shop, where they killed one gremlin. YAY! Now the GPS worked.

BUT... the outlet was loose. We could not keep the GPS on, and no other plug would work in the outlet. So I and the Crazy Writing Lady decided that the boys could drive my car instead. It's what I originally wanted anyway, since my Jeep was more spacious for more packing, and it had a new sound system with Bluetooth - smartphones could be used to get extra music, podcasts, you name it. And the power outlet worked. So I went to verify everything would work.

OMG. A squad of gremlins smashed the sound system and even disabled the radio and power.

That was the last straw. I got good and angry, opened up the fusebox and pulled out the manual and reading glasses, and finally pulled out my toolbox, and smashed gremlin guts all over the place.

As usual, violent anger served me well and everything in the vehicle started functioning again. We sent the sons off, they had a great time at Hogwarts and other Universal attractions, and came home safe and exhausted.

No matter how old they get, they'll always be my boys, and I love them very much. Good going. guys!

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